Girlfriend says...

Blogging from my phone?

2009-04-09T13:31:00.000-07:00

I'm tryin to get this right.

Random Saturday morning...

2009-03-14T06:07:00.000-07:00

Can't sleep anymore...I've been up since 4:00 a.m. ish...what's up with that?!

I went out to gaze at the beach from my little "porch"...realized that despite what the news says, what my bank account says, and all the negaholics out there say...it really is so much to be thankful for

I have some really cool friends

My kids are pretty cool too

Umm, don't ever tell your kids you are "thinking" about getting a dog unless you are prepared to deliver the dang dog immediately...they DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT "THINKING = MAYBE IN ABOUT 2 MONTHS OR SO"

I need a Toni Braxton CD STAT!

Why did one of my crackhead clients tell me she was about to have a birthday soon, that it was going to be the "big one" and that everyone tells her she doesn't look her age...I guessed 50, she said 40...she doesn't look her age...CRACK is WHACK!

I am seriously "thinking" about cutting my locs...off and starting all over again

If there is anybody out there...what's on you "random" mind?

Tuesday Legal Brief

2008-10-28T09:33:00.001-07:00

Here's a quick "legal brief" for ya...

perp charged with possession of crack, the state offers to recommend probation, no jail time if she pleads guilty and opts out of trial (at a trial she can get up to 8 years if found guilty), she has given a "confession to the cops" but she doesn't think she has confessed and doesn't think she has done anything wrong...

perp: I told them I had smoked all my crack right before they got there (confession here)

me: blink

perp: so the rest of the crack that was sitting there wasn't my part, it belonged to the other guy that was smoking crack with me... (continuation of the confession here)

me: blink

perp: so I'm not pleading guilty, Imma go to trial (and promptly go to jail)

me: blink

perp: what? why you lookin' at me like that?

me: did you get high this morning?

perp: giving me a toothless smile...no response

I'm bored, therefore I cook...

2008-10-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

Since I've moved, I've been on a cooking freenzy. I stay on the internet trying to find recipes. I was just over at Pserendipity's spot and she was posting about recipes, go figure!? Anyway, last night I cooked a meatloaf. I've never been a big meatloaf fan, partly because I could never get mine to come out right! I don't eat beef so I use turkey and could never find the right combination of ingredients to make it come out tasty and loafy...mine always came out bland and tooo moist...falling a part moist. So yesterday, I found a recipe called Brown Sugar Meatloaf that had high reviews from "the people"...and one lady said the ingredients worked just fine with ground turkey. So I printed it and dashed off to the grocery store for the items I needed. Boy oh boy, that meatloaf was a smash hit. I think it was the ginger. Deeeeeelicious!

Here's the recipe if you are interested and if you have any good casserole dishes you wouldn't mind sharing, please let a sister know?

INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup ketchup
1 1/2 pounds lean ground beef
3/4 cup milk
2 eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 small onion, chopped (I used Lipton's Onion Soup/1 package)
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
3/4 cup finely crushed saltine cracker crumbs (I used seasoned bread crumbs)

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 5x9 inch loaf pan.
Press the brown sugar in the bottom of the prepared loaf pan and spread the ketchup over the sugar.
In a mixing bowl, mix thoroughly all remaining ingredients and shape into a loaf. Place on top of the ketchup.
Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour or until juices are clear.

Changes...

2008-10-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

Soooooo, since the last time I "posted" I took a new job and moved to another city. Let me tell ya, I thought I had purged before, but when I began to pack in June and July to prepare for the move to a city 3 hours away, bay-bay, did I purge. I must have thrown away and given away more stuff than I actually put in boxes to keep and take with me to my "new" city. I know the trash people were frustrated with my a** (or delighted, you know they say one woman's trash another man's treasures).

Well, we (me and the kids) moved to a smaller city near the beach. Literally, we can cross the street from out home and be on the beach. The kids love it...thus, I am happy! So, we are here. A little, not much, drama has followed us here (insert bad karma from ex) but we are dealing with that and expect to be drama free in about 2-3 months of service of process. Stay tuned for the post(eseses) about that soon.

My coworkers are fab and I've even found a basketball trainer for BabyBoy! Life is good.

I miss hanging out with Pserendipity and my nephewcousin Aidan but I'm sure they will put me in the rotation when they come this way, and I'll be swinging through their neighborhood quite often.

Change is good, right?

1984

2008-08-01T20:54:00.000-07:00

I just finised reading 1984 by George Orwell. I know, I know, most everyone read this book in High School. I didn't. I picked it up to read because I had every intention of joining our local ACLU Banned Books Book Club a couple of Wednesdays ago as they reviewed and disussed 1984. Well, didn't make the meeting but did finish the book even though it took me an unusally long time to read it.

However, I find it hard to believe a 12th grader would be able to fully understand all the poltical themes running throughout the book, many of which are most relevant today.

Read this if you haven't!

Legal Briefs

2008-08-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

True stories
anonymous woman: Someone is trying to steal my inheritance.
me: oh, really
anonymous woman: (all dignified) Yes, someone drugged my husband and took him to the bank and made him withdraw $20000 from our account.
me: oh, really how do you know this? that your husband was drugged?
anonymous woman: He told me.
me: *cricket,cricket*
anonymous woman: My husband doesn't want to go to the police because the police 'round here are probably in on it. The people in this town are crazy. My husband is scared.
me: I bet.
...

duffus: I was playin' 'round on my job with a co-worker. I was just jokin' but he got all serious and told me he was gon hit me. I didn't believe him. But he walked up on me and punched me in the face. We both got fired. I wanna know what my legal rights are. I mean they didn't have no right to fire me. I was just playin'
me: You have the right to apply for unemployment benefits and be denied.
duffus: You playin'?
me: *crickets*
...

Like School on Saturdays, No Class

2008-08-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

I've had locs for what...9 years now, so I am used to people asking questions about my hair. I usually am not offended by some of the things people say about my hair or locs in general. I just roll with it. But you know what, it never ceases to amaze me how some people just don't have home trainin' and will say and ask the most "irregular" stuff...

Earlier this week while getting "the frisk-down" by the bailiff while passing through the metal detectors in the courthouse, the maintenance lady (I guess) comes out of nowhere (really) and says, "Your hair is long. That ain't all your hair, right?!...I mean it ain't all real right?!" So, now everybody in the whole damn place is looking at my head.

Me?! I 'm trying to get to the PD's office and asking several times and several ways can somebody tell me where the PD's office is?!

She starts in again with the "that ain't your hair" business so the bailiff helps her out and says, "Mam she's talking to you." I say, "um, yes my hair." "Can you tell me where the PD's office is thank you" -to the bailiff. She tries to give me directions but Hairlady interrupts her and takes me by the elbow and shows me exactly how to get to the PD's office but not without trying to fondle my hair before we part. I do a quick Matrix move and escape being head molested.

Then later that same day in Popeye's tryin' to use their facilities and get an apple pie for my 2 hour car ride, another older lady comes up on me with hands outstretched asking me "if I bought all that hair on my head." She repeats and says "that ain't all your hair...haha...you didn't buy all that somewhere didja..haha..." I half-smile and advise her to have a nice day.

So unclassy, so uncothed...but I guess they didn't mean harm? Just didn't know that it ain't cool to ask people if their hair is "real"? Although, we are talking about grownarswomen though. I dunno...

Waywayback Wednesday

2008-07-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

I gassed up the Waywayback Machine and took a trip back to 1985...

Remember this Jayum?! Lisa Lisa and that damn Cult Jayum! Yeaboyee!

I wonder if I Take You Home - Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam

the year 1985 when...

The City of Philadelphia and city police dropped a bomb on a neighborhood and let it burn. Five children and six adults, members of a small radical collective called MOVE, died; 61 homes in the middle-class neighborhood were destroyed. As the nation watched, Philadelphia became the city that bombed its own people.

Whitney Houston hadn't yet discovered wack crack. This year she was the Female Vocalist of the Year for "Saving All My Love for You"

The Color Purple earned $98,467,863 and was one of the top grossing films of that year along with Rambo Part II, Back to the Future and Cocoon.

We saved the world when Michael Jackson and Quincy Jones called all their friends in to get.on.their.record, "We are the World" which became "something like a phenomenon" across the globe.

Finally Gorbachev became the Soviet leader and

America "got debt"...for the first time since 1914, the United States owed more money to foreigners than it was owed. Thanks Reagan!

Life was grand, huh?

What were you doing in 1985?

When a "Queen" eats Green Eggs and Ham...

2008-07-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

'>http://

Doesn't she/he look like a character from a Dr. Suess book?! Miss Hunaaaay! Hilarious. Enjoy.

On Being Black...and poor, and sad, and depressed and lonely and....in America!

2008-07-29T19:57:00.001-07:00

I know I'm a little late but here's my, "On Being Black in America Post"...

I've had several discussions with friends about the CNN special on Being Black in America. Most in some form or fashion were "put off" by the so called "special"...me, I was disappointed to say the least. I mean, it was one long negative statistical stew. After the first night, I really didn't want anymore...I feared if I listened any further I would need to be put on suicide watch. I mean according to CNN I don't have many reasons for going on...I can look forward to no man, no money, more struggles, a community riddled with drugs and poverty, and absent of positive male role models 'cause they are all in jail or just don't give a damn, children who will under perform children in third world countries, blah, blah, blah....too much...too much.

Moreover, most black folks have heard all of that before...many times! Nothing new. Something "special" would have been to offer solutions, highlight opportunities, provide positive topics for some real solution driven dialog. And by the way, is Soledad black? I'm just askin'?

I had enough after that first night of mess. If I was a conspiracy theorist, I would have my eyes cocked by now saying, "see they be tryin' to systematically and subliminally feed us this mind poison so we are defeated before we even come out the gate..."

I spent my Thursday night at the Sanaa Art Gallery trying to recover. I think I'm o.k. I think I can put the shoe laces back in my sneakers and put the medicine back in the cabinet. Suicide watch is over...at least until CNN and Soledad decide to do a special on Being Left Handed in America...then who knows.

Fly Girl In NY

2008-07-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

FlyGirl is so Fly that she has no time to call her most favorite auntie in the whole wide world but she has time to go to NYC! She did, however, have time to send pictures of her fabulous self hangin' in NYC. Can I get that bag?

Friday Jam...a little Jen Hud

2008-07-25T01:20:00.000-07:00

Jennifer Hudson - Spotlight Video'>http://
Jennifer Hudson - Spotlight Video

Get.There.Now.

2008-07-24T20:13:00.000-07:00

Sanaa Art Gallery
I took BabyGirl and BabyBoy (my lovely children) to the grand opening of Sanaa Art Gallery. If you live in or near you should get there now! BabyBoy did not want to leave. He enjoyed viewing the art and meeting the artists so much he really did not want to leave. Black art is such a wonderful thing. Here are some of the pictures BabyBoy took of some of his favorite pieces. He was networking all over the place.
I was so proud of him. He's never been the shy type though. When he found out some of the artist were there, he would go right up to them with his 13 year old self and introduce himself, "Hi, I really like your work...I draw too...." He even got to be a part of a group picture with many of the artist there. He was getting professional pointers and encouragement from all the artist he meet.
He has a talent for drawing but he doesn't or didn't take his talent as serious as I have until maybe tonight (and seeing those $3000, $4000, and $5000 price tags on the pieces for sale, didn't hurt either).
The picture up top is a group photo of "the men"...featured and aspiring artists (one of which is my 13 year old). On the left and right are works created by Shambe

Courtesy of SNL

2008-07-15T20:28:00.001-07:00

Should We Throw These Children Away?

2008-06-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

NAACP Legal Defense Fund -- Issues

A Shout out to My Cool As* Nieces!

2008-06-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

My nieces, Fly Girl and Mellow Yellow came by to visit today. We had a good time, just hangin' out in my living room, eating, joking around and our favorite--talking about their momma behind her back (smile Sister I see ya lookin cockeyed at me). Moments like this make me all melancholy after its over because I begin missing my mommy and daddy most in those moments (sigh).

Fly Girl is leaving in the morning on a flight to Baltimore to begin her summer intern. She is sooooo excited and so am I. You would think I am going to get on the damn plane with her in the morning (I wish I could, truth be told). Mellow will be here dippin' in and out for food and an occasional place to sleep until she leaves us next year to go live in Europe for a while.

They are both in college- Mellow is the senior and Fly is the Sophomore. Mellow is the sophisticated world traveler who changed her major to International Studies so she could "back pack" through London and get credit. Fly is the super ambitious pageant babe. Both excellent students. Both beautiful young women. I'm so proud of them. Here's to my beautiful wonderful talented nieces.

My Baby is going to "Big Girl School"

2008-06-13T17:36:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late with this post, but....

This is Babygirl and she is a 2008 Graduate!

She is going on to bigger and better things in Kindergarten! She is such a camera hawk!

Talk about a waste of tax payer $$

2008-06-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

Who really is surprised by this verdict?! Nobody!

Dance Off Heaven

2008-06-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

I'm in dance off heaven...America's Best Dance Crew is back baby! I luvs a good dance off! Whoever created this show is genius- a whole hour of fierce dance offs! Love it. Just got through watching an episode. You betta git you somma dis!

This is hot! I.love.Obama. The End!

2008-06-12T20:38:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do better...I promise

2008-06-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

I promise to be a better blogger. I will. I promise. Anybody out there still?

Now that was a storm!

2008-04-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

The power is off in my neighborhood due to the severe storm that hit us like a bat out of hell Friday around noon. It is bad I tell ya...trees in yards, trees in the streets, trees in houses! Just bad. They estimate the lights will be back on tomorow night but at the latest Tuesday. After visiting Pserendipity last night, who has lights, we went back home (late) and went to sleep. It wasn't bad. It was nice and still. I couldn't surf the internet, or read and respond to emails. I couldn't work on cases and other things that keep me up all night because no power for the computer. I couldn't even talk on the phone because I needed to conserve the battery power. So just peace and quiet. By candle light, I read a couple chapeters of Slave (good book). It was lovely for a while. But tonight, the kids have rebeled and advised that they intend to spend the night with Pserendipity. I guess they didn't enjoy the peace and quiet as much as I did. My boy can't live without his playstation on the weekends.

So here we are. While intending to come for a quick visit to charge phones and computers, it turns out we're having a sleep over. The kids are having a wonderful time. The boys are playing basketball, watching Barney and other miscellaneous things that a 12 and 3 year old boy can do with a dog. Naana is running from Coco Brown the dog, doing her best Sheila E. impersonation on A's drums, talking to herself, spining around like a ballerina and other miscellaneous things that a 5 year old girl does. (To say she is scared of Coco (the dog) is an understatement.)

Thank god for family. Thank god for Pserendipity baby!

I'm back

2008-04-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

...no explanation for the absence that is worth writing about...but damn Pserendipity did you have to cancel me from your blog roll? Cold az ice.

Bad Dates

2008-02-05T18:02:00.000-08:00

I was talking to Dr. Shunte and Ms. G about a "bad" date Ms. G recently went on. She explained that they decided to meet each other at a restaurant. It, of course, was a blind date. She said the guy wasn't her "normal" type but she was game for the date. So they waited to be seated. While waiting to be seated, she noticed he wouldn't stop looking at her...staring at her basically. She said when they were finally seated and the food came, she finally asked him, "umm, er, why are you looking at me like that?" She said he immediately said, "because your skin is so beautiful and smooth looking, flawless...." So she she's feeling all beautiful right. Smiling and cheesing, I'm sure. Then he breaks with, "I mean, you don't have any bullet holes or knife wounds or any type of scars...it's just so smooth."
What? Yes. He said it. She said at this point she waiting for him to start laughing but he didn't, he was serious. Who has he been dating? Women with names that begin with numbers? Lawd. She said at that point she couldn't help looking over her shoulder for one of his ex-girlfriends to "run up" on her shouting, "Break yoself fool." Needless to say, there was no second date. What's the worst date you've been on?

The "Original" Yes We Can Speech

2008-02-05T17:59:00.000-08:00

Obama rocks the house!

Yes we can!

2008-02-05T17:22:00.000-08:00

Each time I see this video, I am inspired. I love this. Several people have sent this to me. Like Donkey says, "I am a believer." I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

2008-01-25T19:56:00.000-08:00

THINGS

pSerendity had this on her page (go check it out here http://pserendipity.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/4-things/. She's always sending these things through the email, so here goes...my "fours"....
Four Jobs I have had in my life:
1: Sandwich maker and cashier at Bassett's Original Turkey in the Gallery Mall
2: Sales Clerk at Eddie Bauer
3: Manager of Chess King (ya'll remember those paisley print shirts and rayon shirts, illg)
4: Youth Court Counselor

Four Movies I watch Over and Over:
1: Love Jones
2: when I find it on DVD, I will watch Mahogany over and over
3: High School Musical 2(my kids lawd...it was a good movie)
4: The Wiz

Four Places I have lived:
1: Irvington, NJ
2: Lucedale, MS
3: Philadelphia,PA
4: Oxford, MS

Four Shows I watch:
1: Heroes
2: Run's House
3: random shows on Sci-Fi channel
4: The Today Show

Four Places I have been:
1: Houston, Texas
2: Miami, Florida
3: New Orleans, LA
4: Pensacola, Florida

Four of my Favorite Foods:
1: Cherries
2: Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins
3: Potato Salad
4: Watermelon

Four Places I’d rather be:
1: in Spring (instead of this cold damp Winter)
2: in St. Louis with my family
3: in New York at a fabulous show
4: at park with my kids feeding the ducks

Things I am looking forward to this year:
1: A new job
2: Voting for a new president
3: Relaxing (I plan to finally learn this year how to...)
4: Spending more time with friends and family

What about you?

Pastor Gone Wild!

2008-01-20T12:46:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Mom365...this is a damn shame...I got too much time on my hand. I'm sick, so don't hold this against me. Check out the man tryin' to fight the pastor, he keeps saying, "That's mine...naw, that's mine!" That must be the lady's husband...crazy ya'll.

Anybody got a good church fight story?

Oh my aching head...

2008-01-20T11:57:00.000-08:00

I am sick...last night pSerendipity, Dr.J and their kids came by to visit. The kids had a good time and it was nice hangin' out with my girls pSerendipity and Dr. J. I was feeling just fine until they left my house. Almost immediately, I got fever and my body started to ache. I tossed and turned most of the night. I finally got up and tried to pull it together and decided to just stay on the couch only to get up when necessary. So I guess I will sit here, watch "Boy-ance" get his groove on, cruise the Internet, "medicate", stalk my sister's (mom365) raggity phone until she answers, all while taking random naps. I need a good book to read...any suggestions?

Boy-ance does it again!

2008-01-19T21:37:00.000-08:00

courtesy of Tanyetta from ova at Creole's blogs...ya'll know how I like a good dance off (see previous dance off post). You's a bad motha when you dance off with yoself. I love this guy. He is so serious wit it. Check out the left Boyance does the wahp.

Who's your "Daddygrandpaw"?

2008-01-19T12:23:00.000-08:00

A man called with questions about his wife, who he says is a Kleptomaniac. Not like that cousin we all got in the family that steals from everybody and you call him a klepto...no mam...for real...like she gets a check...a disability check, social security for being a kleptomaniac. Isn't that the ultimate hustle? You're basically pimpin' the government. You gettin' paid 'cause you steal! OMG.

The story gets betta. Come to find out, she's got deeper probs. Turns out, her mother is her sister. Yep, you read that right and it is possible. Work it out in your mind for a minute. Nasty! Just plain ole nasty. So she is a "chromosome disaster."

It don't even matter at this point what legal problem the man had questions about, 'cause it's some weird mess.

My sister went to school with a guy who was a "chromosome disaster". His daddygrandpaw had children, plural, with his daughter. About 3 of em. The first one was a total science fair project. He was so messed up. He might've had an extra finger or toe or something. Just a mess. He was about 25 years old when they told his mother he couldn't come back to school 'cause they couldn't do nothing for him but feed him. The daddygrandpaw lived a long long time and never went to jail or got charged with anything. Isn't that crazy?!

MLK Parade

2008-01-19T11:44:00.000-08:00

Just came back from the MLK parade on MLK Drive. When we got there, I told my daughter to wave and smile at the cars and floats that go by and they will throw you candy. She did pretty good too. She came away with several beaded necklaces and enough candy for her, "brother" and cuz Aideeboo. But you know at,umm, ethnic parades, you ain't gonna get too much candy 'cause they savin' it to take back home. You know I'm tellin' the truth.

Some of the "floats" were just Gangsta baby. (Do you call cars with T-Shirts of Martin Luther King hanging out of the windows floats?). Oh, and the mayor was there, fresh off of heart surgery, walking down the street with a gang of cops and kids swarming around. Someone asked the cop that was riding in the car behind the mayor to throw some candy and he said, "You know we in a deficit, we ain't got no candy." My baby says, "What's a deficit mama?" I said that means don't waste your time looking cute and waving at that car 'cause he might ask you for some gas money to get back to the station...lawd please deliva my beloved City out of this mess we in....

My Son and his Jedi Mind Tricks

2008-01-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

So while readin jden's fab blog...I came across her post about her son. This got me to thinking about recent events in my house...

My son is smart and extremely creative...he can learn new things without effort. He can do just about anything he sets his mind to do...if only he would use his powers for good! I'm thinking about surgery, 'cause there must be a calcified ulcer on his "truth gene". He is able to tell lies and manipulate like a champ. Let me tell you 'bout the Jedi mind trick he played on his science teacher...

My son has basically been on chill mode in school. This is his first year on the school basketball team. So now he a "balla" right? He skinin’ and grinin’ with his team members after school when he ’sposed to be in study hall doing work. He lyin' bout homework and assignments...so his grades are in the toilet. So he ’bout to git his black azz “traded” off his basketball team and kicked out of his advanced placement program...Not good. Sooo his clever azz tells his bleeding heart science teacher, who thinks Babyboy walks the water, when he asks, "What's going on, is there a problem...at home?"...Babyboy goes into full "tiny violin playin'" mode and jumps at the opportunity and tells the teacher, “yes, that's it, problems...at home even!”… Yes? What? Like a fish taking bait, he goes…”Well my mom used to work for a law firm but it went out of business (he left out the part that that was 2 years ago), then she started her own practice. She is thinking about working from home”...So ScienceGuy decides since “he” is having problems at home, to “work” with his azz. Babyboy might as well have put a swinging piece of jewelry in front of ScienceGuy's face and said, “You are gettin’ sleeeepy, when I snap my fingers you will be under my controoollll…”

So, he gets a pass! No getting benched, no getting put out of advanced placement...nothing but sympathy. For what? Because I’m unemployed? What the fu*k?! What that got to do with him? His lifesteeloo ain’t changed. He ain’t got to pay no bills. He ain’t got to rob Tyrone to pay Tyreek. This ain't no poor kid trapped in an after school special (Ya'll remember those shows!). He don't have to go to the sweatshop and pump out 114 knock off bags before noon and sleep on a cot in the back to make $1.25 per hour to send back home. He done played them fools at school!

So I find out by mistake that all this has been said. I show up at the science teacher's room to drop off a science fair project that we slaved over for days (when I coulda been reading a book or bloggin'). The science teacher is all nice and like, "Hey did Babyboy tell ya that we had a conference and everything's o.k...wink, wink..." I'm like, "What are you talking about." I know his grades were nasty. I know he is on punishment. I know his Dad had an, umm, "talk" with him. But I do not know what this man is winkin' and talkin' 'bout. So he tells me all about how him and Babyboy had this "talk" about the situation at home...you know about the problems he's having at home. Situation? Problems? What are you talking about. He says you know with your practice.... He says Babyboy told me 'bout you closing your practice and all. I’m looking at the science teacher like “What that got to do with Babyboy?” and he lookin’ back at me like...(long pause)...”Well, I don’t know mam” all confused and discombobulated like. My ears are ringing now, 'cause my presha done gone up. I can't hear this man talking anymore and the room is spinning. Babyboy got me out here bad. I am having a video in my head of me attacking Babyboy. The video is called something like "When Mommies attack"!

I wanted to tell that dummy, “well, Sir, it wasn’t any problems at home ‘fo you told me what this knucklehead done said, but there definitely is gone be some problems at home now….”

So later, in the hall when I'm walking him to class, I'm like what did you tell this man? And he says some dumb stuff like he asked me what was going on at home so I told him that. I'm like what that got to do with you and your grades? He just looks at me..."I didn't tell him that it had anything to do with my grades...(he's about to cry, cause he can see that glazed look in my eye)! I go, "Then what was the point of telling him that?" He just basically looks at me and says nothing that makes any sense...I walk away before I crush him.

So now I got a psp, a playstation, a bunch of video games and a cool new phone…’cause Babyboy is on lockdown...

***Girlfriendtionary...For those of you who don't know, now you know...
Jedi Mind Trick (per Wikipedia) In the fictional Star Wars universe, the Jedi mind trick is a Force power. Jedi who know the power can, by using the Force, influence the actions of other "weak-minded" sentient beings.

Jedi typically perform this ability with a wave of the hand and a verbal suggestion (for example, "These aren't the droids you're looking for"). If the trick is successful, the victim will reply by restating the suggestion ("These aren't the droids we're looking for") and will immediately think or do whatever the Jedi suggested.

Has Mississippi declared war on lawyers?

2008-01-17T21:43:00.000-08:00

What's up with all these gazillionaire lawyers gettin' all caught up in the game? And really, why are you still practicing after you already done got all the money? Is Ed Peters like, the Don? Who's next to fall? This is not cute.

Freakum Dress, I mean Pants Suit!

2008-01-17T21:30:00.000-08:00

My girl PJam sent this to me with no explanation...I guess none is needed.

He actually has, like, choreographed moves at the end.

One of my imaginary boyfriends

2008-01-17T08:35:00.000-08:00

I hate Hoda Kotb...beatch! That should be me backin'it up on John "sexy bedroom face makin'" Legend

Who's one of your 'magination boyfriend's?

I need an attitude adjustment

2008-01-16T19:58:00.000-08:00

My Wednesday legal briefs...

Free advice seeker #1 says...I wanna know what my rights are...I owe this man some money and he told somebody that I owe him some money, what's my rights?

Me: You have the right to pay him his (damn) money.

Free advice seeker #1 says...Didn't he violate my privacy? Ain't that private personal information?

Me: Nah bruh! It ain't never private when you owe a nigra money, you know that!

Free advice seeker #2 says...While I was eating some candy, a piece of glass or hard plastic got stuck in the top of my mouth, what can I get for that?

Me: A refund.

Free advice seeker #2 says...It stuck me like a needle in the top of my mouth. Did something get injected into my system from that?

Me: Greed.

lawd...there are too many legal shows on t.v., really, people think lawyers are clairvoyant magicians that can make money rain from the sky...

Daamn, Daaamn, Daaaamn...

2008-01-15T21:10:00.000-08:00

So, I've been having one of those Florida Evans, "damn, damn, damn" moments for the last, say 12-14 months or so. Yes a looong moment. But, today I realized I ain't doin' so bad I guess....

A woman who called me for advice today about all her legal woes basically says to me (no lie, I can't make this stuff up), "I am not doing so good these days, I'm on my way to visit my granddaughter who was taken from my daughter and who is in foster care about 100 miles away from my house so we don't get to see her much, she ain't allowed to come to the house, but they are about to foreclose on the house anyway cause my husband done up and left me for my friend and won't help me with the bills on this here house, and I am disabled, he knows that, so I can't get a job and can't make enough money to pay the bills, and I'm sick, been sick for a while, and I don't expect to live long, I'm sure to die soon, even though I thought I would live longer than my 19 year old nephew who died in a car crash 'round the holidays, and we didn't even have enough money to bury him, so I've already called the University up in Jackson and donated my body to science so my kin won't have to pay for no funeral when I die...

I'm thinking, am I being punked? Someone had to put her up to this. (I have some crazy former classmates who like to set me up with fake azz, crazy azz callers with bogus legal "situations"). She said it all fast and "jumbled" just like I wrote it up there.

I wanted to ask, "are you serious?" "And, you managed to get out of bed this morning?" Now that deserves a damn, damn, damn....

On a serious note. I immediately got out my "gratitude rock" and began to say my "thank you's" so effortlessly about so many things in my life, specifically the ability to be able to pay for life insurance so I won't have to donate my body to science...

Black dogs…MLK..what the hell? « Mom365’s Weblog

2008-01-13T08:45:00.000-08:00

Black dogs…MLK..what the hell? « Mom365’s Weblog

RGJ.com: Mostly Dogs

2008-01-13T08:44:00.000-08:00

RGJ.com: Mostly Dogs

Team Work

2008-01-11T18:29:00.000-08:00

I've made a decision. I'm not going to go through all the stuff in the BIG BLACK TRUNK until my sister comes and we do it together. She said she's gonna try to come down in February for an extended weekend. We'll order pizzza and movies and sit in the middle of the floor like kids and go through all the stuff together...just the way we did almost 3 years ago at my mom's home.

'Glamour' Editor To Lady Lawyers: Being Black Is Kinda A Corporate "Don't"

2008-01-11T11:50:00.000-08:00

'Glamour' Editor To Lady Lawyers: Being Black Is Kinda A Corporate "Don't"

Ummm, huh? You had your girlfriend for dinner?

2008-01-08T18:23:00.000-08:00

This is some craziness

Are you...serious? Are you...gay? Are you...gonna git that fixed?

2008-01-06T00:29:00.000-08:00

Sooooo, I was talking to my sister last night and she is telling me about a conversation she had with her daughter B. This has got to be the funniest shyt I have heard this entire year (all six days of the year to be exact). I keep telling people my sister, her husband and their kids should have their own reality t.v. show. It would be a cross between show's like, Run's House, Everybody Hates Chris and the Biggest Loser (my sister is always losing weight these days and she claims she's working out, but if you ask me the weight is coming off kinda fast. What are you really doing to lose the weight Shuga, huh? She is looking good though.)

Anywhoo, my niece is crazy and has an equally crazy friend S. So my niece is telling my sister a story about how S has an, umm, deformed pop-pop (a family term for a girl's "privacy"). She's telling my sister 'bout how S basically showed it to her to prove what S has been telling my niece for so long...that she has a deformed pop-pop. So my sister at this point in the story, just interrupts my niece and ask, "Are you Gay?" My niece of course responds "no." To which my sister responds by saying, in matter of fact fashion, "Oh, cause I thought maybe you were tryin' to tell me something, you know between the lines, and I was going to be o.k. with it after the initial vomit in the mouth moment passed." Lawd, my sister is crazy.

So, after my niece B assures my sister she is not gay, she continues to tell my sister that she asked S if she lets her umm, suitors look at her pop-pop all deformed as it is (there apparently is a gigantic flap of extra skin on this girl's stuff, like the elephant man of pop-pops I'm assuming). So S says yes, she ain't shame of her pop-pop (of course not 'cause she showin' it to you, right?). My niece says she is like, "oh" looking all crazy as if to say, "and they still have, umm, "relations" with you?"

We all know the answer to that. As long as it ain't gonna eat the peni, they will do the do with deformed, disabled, disgruntled, whateva pop-pops...right?

This is too much for me...this is a new spin on the old school "you show me yours and I'll show you mine."

You Got Served...(the dance off)

2008-01-05T18:32:00.000-08:00

You remember when things were settled with a "dance off"? Please do not ask why, but I was sitting here thinking about classic dance offs from back in the day. Wouldn't it be cool if everything was settled with a dance off...war, court battles, divorce settlements, any kinda dispute. You had to go get your peeps and get your routine tight and then come back and "challunge" it's on...the classic dance off...

Could you imagine Condie in a dance off with some miscellaneous Iraq extremist? You know Condie still got some hood in her somewhere, huh? She at least knows how to moon walk, right?

Obama vs. Hillary? Who would win? Hillary proly break out with some ole Rosie Perez poppin', like in "Do the Right Thing", and would Obama break it down with a centipede move on the ground or break Hillary off with a "head snatching" poppin' move. You know the one where someone pretends they took your head off and then they toss it on the ground or pretend they swallowed it? That was so...umm, dope!

Some of my favorite dance offs include;
1. Breakin' 2 Street Battle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPn4BM-EBhk
2. Bad (MJ) video dance off (that was hot)
3. House Party dance off between Kid-N-Play and Tisha Campbell and that other girl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFSyBBglmpI
4. The dance off me, P and S had with our cousin H and her friend that came down to visit in
the summer of...umm, maybe 84? Yeeeeeeeeah baby, I was poppin and moon walking like it
was no tomorow...don't hate...

So what do you know 'bout a dance off?

check out Shaq over on the right in an NBA all star dance off...shyt is hilarious...he does the head snatching thing...

Weirdo

2008-01-02T20:29:00.000-08:00

Today, my dear friend, L tells me that I am a little weird but that it's o.k. because it's better to be unique than "just like everybody else." So I try to explain to her that weird doesn't translate to unique. Either I'm weird or unique.... I mean if someone calls you unique, that's hot, that's cute, that's sexy...you know, Puff Daddy is unique, Kimora Lee is unique, Mary J. Blige is unique! Weird is not sexy, is not cute and is not right. Weird is Rosie O'Donnell, weird is Whitney Houston (crack and post crack), weird is...well just weird. Am I wrong? Is weird, unique?

I'm reppin' first grad beatch...

2008-01-02T17:16:00.001-08:00

Guess what was in the big black trunk...my report card from 1st grade, Mrs. K. one of my favorite teachers. The crazy thing is I have some vague memories of being in that class room. Once she had us all sit in the dark while she traced our profiles cast by the shadows, individually, onto a piece of construction paper that was taped to the wall. Then when she was all finished (after some weeks) we took them home to our parents...something like "self-portraits." I remember how excited I was about that. My mom probably threw that shit away that same day.

I remember a time when I was the teacher's helper for the day and I got to take the erasers outside and slap them together to get them clean. She was such a nice lady. Never mind the cloud of chalk dust made my asthma flare up and by the end of the day I was wheezing like a two pack a day-er. I wonder where she is now? Anyway, the comments on the report card read like this; "hard worker," "continues to work hard," "still working hard," "oh yeah, she is quiet while she is working hard"...what the hell is up with the working hard business? Has that always been my lot in life? To work hard?

Is that a block of ice coming through your chest or are you just happy to see me?

2008-01-01T10:03:00.000-08:00

I am about to laugh my azz into a full on asthma attack...I was busy cleaning my house while watching CSI:Maimi (a marathon, riiight) and some guy got pushed off a balcony onto an ice sculpture that was in his yard (they were having some type of uppercrust of society party, you know...). So a tower of ice is coming through his body right, so Horatio (I think that's his name) is on the scene with the black coroner chick and she discovers that the guy was shot. She says all mysterious, "shot in the broad daylight in a house full of people, now that's cold blooded, Horatio." And he whips off his shades and says, equally as mysterious, "cold as ice." (no puns intended with that big block of ice coming through homeboys chest plate?) I instantly imagined Horatio in full Rick James regala, with the beaded up, braided wig and all, cole as ice!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3-THtYXC24&feature=related

Who are the writers, they must've been high! Bad, bad puns...what made it funny was that they were looking so seroius. Who in reality could keep their composure while standing next to a man with a big azz block of ice protruding through his chest? You know that black lady would've cracked up when Horatio said..."cold as Ice." Right?...lawd...I need to write for t.v.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

Happy, Merry, New Year, everybody (which sadly now amounts to only me talking to myself). I managed to wake up in time to watch the ball drop....then we all hugged and sang a few 'rounds of a homemade happy new year song, then we all fell out sleep...exhausted...it's been a long year! Really, it has been a long year. I am looking forward to the next year being exciting and prosperous...

Let me get real, I really don't feel that right now...that's what I'm pos to say...right, excited...prosperous new beginnings, it's going to be o.k....yep, the politically correct thing to say...

When I really feel scared and exhausted and unable to focus and raggitty! Just plain ole raggity! Raggity job, raggity accounts, raggity state of mind...you know, just raggitty.

So, is the truth going to set me free? Proly not. (Remember, my self esteem is ragitty too)

So what do I do? I've read all the books and even saw the movie, I know where this is leading. Negative thinking equals negative manifestations riiight? I was all hyped up at the beginning of the year. I read The Secret which lead to some other books and I started like an AA for negative thinking. I was almost on step 7 and 1/2 when I started to back slide...now I am like a crack head of negative thinking...a fraud I tell ya...I just can't let it go...it be callin' me...

So again what do I need to do...damn! I'mma go clean up...cleaning the kitchen always makes me feel betta...lata

Who's afraid of the big bad trunk?

2007-12-30T20:32:00.000-08:00

So, they delivered the big azz trunk and now it's sitting in the hallway. This thing was so huge and so heavy my uncle had to open it so we could take 1/3 of the stuff out so we could carry it in the house. So now my house is smellin' all mothbally. Yikes, I think I am high from the smell. Can you get a high from sniffin' mothballs? Anyway, the trunk...it's full of shi*. A whole bunch of stuff is in there. A lot of bags and large envelopes full of papers and mail is in there, a big giant bible full of papers and some pictures is in there, a broke leg white Ken doll is in there (mine), a lot of shi* is in there...sorta like those old commercials for Prego...it's in there. I must confess, I don't have the energy (mental or otherwise) to go through all that stuff tonight. This is going to take a while. In the meantime, I have got to figure out what to do with that big azz trunk. It is has got to get the hell up outa here. I'm afraid me and the kids are going to start smelling like little old nursing home ladies if I keep that thing in my house. Not to mention, I think the strong mothball odor is giving me an asthma attack. Wheez, wheez...maybe tomorrow I will buy some boxes and transfer all that stuff and throw away that big azz trunk...lata

Wake Up...

2007-12-30T08:46:00.000-08:00

o.k...have you ever had one of those days when you feel like "God is tryin' ta tell me sumthin'"? Well, I am having one of those moments/days now. Well, it started like this, at 7:15 a.m. a colleague of mine called to tell me, while reading obituaries this morning (huh? did you say while reading the obituaries? Do people read those on purpose? I personally don't even want to touch the pages with my bare fingertips in fear of...in fear of...catching something, I don't know...I just don't go trolling through the obituaries, it just ain't right. Come on man, seriously) he noticed another colleague had died so he thought I should know there was going to be a job opening in the city and I should therefore immediately call my contacts and get the scoop on the application process. Riiiight...am I that desperate for another job? ummm, yep. But really man, who am I going to call about a job at 7:15a.m. on Sunday. Not to sound ungrateful but it couldn't wait til say 12:00 p.m. or even better in the morning? Wow, talk about a way to wake up...huh? So, I told him, never fear, I've already applied for that job, because another friend of mine told me, about a month ago, about the "potential" job opening as it was rumored that...ummm...the gentleman in question, um, his "term" on the job was coming to an end. I thought he was retiring. I didn't know he was "retirin'" sho nuff. So after chatting it up with him for a minute or two, I tried to will myself back to sleep...one sheep, two sheep,...37 sheep...snoring now, mouth open. Then my niece walks in my room and I instantly wake up and she announces that she is leaving...on her way back to her mother's...I chat it up with her for a while, then she leaves. I try again to will myself back to sleep, then ring, my auntie calling to tell me they are coming through town to bring me a trunk that my mother left behind. Now this sorta creeps me out. Who knows what's in that truck? My mother was a very strange lady to say the least. She guarded the contents of that trunk like it had a body in it. Me and my sister have been waiting many years to get that trunk to see what it may behold. But now that it's close enough to almost touch, I just don't know if "my mind is right" enough to take a peek, namean? Well, then I chat it up with her for a while and we decide they will call when they are close. I try to go back to sleep, but I can't now because I am engrossed in an episode of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (who's the real Blue?)...but then the phone rings yet again and its a friend of mine who needs some info from the Internet, so I get it up out of the bed. I give it up and just go on and get my black a** up... o.k. God you win, I'm gittin' up out the bed. I can't wait to see what the rest of the day beholds...

Getting my mind right...

2007-12-29T21:17:00.000-08:00

As the new year approaches, I've decided once again as I've done for at least the last, say, 10-15 years of my life, to make some "maaajor" changes in my life. And, of course I intend to implement these "maaajor" changes throughout the year, in an attempt to (1) fix everything I feel is wrong in my life as of December 31, 2007 and to (2) become a highly successful and extremely motivated person and do this all in 12 months or less. I've even, for at least the last 5 or 6 years, have come up with catchy phrases to title each new year...gonna get fixed in 2006, mo betta in 07 (forced rhyme there I know), all the way live in 2005, you know shi* like that. Yes, I know ridiculous, right. Well, why change now. So it's, "Get yo biznass straight in 2008".... I think I've settled on that. So the trick or twist rather this year is to break the vicious cycle, or as I loving call it, the downward spiral, I've been on for a while and actually "get my bizznass straight" this year so there won't be another sequel to the never ending quest to get my mind right each year...no "Gon' be just fine in 2009"....I'm not saying I'm going to dispense with the rhyming tho' just not the same old themes...maybe something like, "drink some wine in 2009"..... So this blog, among other things, hopefully will serve to keep me on task, will chronicle my ever so important quest for enlightenment and self-improvement and will be something to do when I am up at 3:30 in the morning looking crazy and watching infomercials 'cause I can't sleep anymore. Plus, and possibly the most important reason, it wil serve to one up my sister as she has on several occasions attempted to blog, but never gets too far (yes maaam, my priorities are straight). So here we go, man! It's time for me to get my mind right!