My Son and his Jedi Mind Tricks

So while readin jden's fab blog...I came across her post about her son. This got me to thinking about recent events in my house...

My son is smart and extremely creative...he can learn new things without effort. He can do just about anything he sets his mind to do...if only he would use his powers for good! I'm thinking about surgery, 'cause there must be a calcified ulcer on his "truth gene". He is able to tell lies and manipulate like a champ. Let me tell you 'bout the Jedi mind trick he played on his science teacher...

My son has basically been on chill mode in school. This is his first year on the school basketball team. So now he a "balla" right? He skinin’ and grinin’ with his team members after school when he ’sposed to be in study hall doing work. He lyin' bout homework and assignments...so his grades are in the toilet. So he ’bout to git his black azz “traded” off his basketball team and kicked out of his advanced placement program...Not good. Sooo his clever azz tells his bleeding heart science teacher, who thinks Babyboy walks the water, when he asks, "What's going on, is there a problem...at home?"...Babyboy goes into full "tiny violin playin'" mode and jumps at the opportunity and tells the teacher, “yes, that's it, problems...at home even!”… Yes? What? Like a fish taking bait, he goes…”Well my mom used to work for a law firm but it went out of business (he left out the part that that was 2 years ago), then she started her own practice. She is thinking about working from home”...So ScienceGuy decides since “he” is having problems at home, to “work” with his azz. Babyboy might as well have put a swinging piece of jewelry in front of ScienceGuy's face and said, “You are gettin’ sleeeepy, when I snap my fingers you will be under my controoollll…”

So, he gets a pass! No getting benched, no getting put out of advanced placement...nothing but sympathy. For what? Because I’m unemployed? What the fu*k?! What that got to do with him? His lifesteeloo ain’t changed. He ain’t got to pay no bills. He ain’t got to rob Tyrone to pay Tyreek. This ain't no poor kid trapped in an after school special (Ya'll remember those shows!). He don't have to go to the sweatshop and pump out 114 knock off bags before noon and sleep on a cot in the back to make $1.25 per hour to send back home. He done played them fools at school!

So I find out by mistake that all this has been said. I show up at the science teacher's room to drop off a science fair project that we slaved over for days (when I coulda been reading a book or bloggin'). The science teacher is all nice and like, "Hey did Babyboy tell ya that we had a conference and everything's o.k...wink, wink..." I'm like, "What are you talking about." I know his grades were nasty. I know he is on punishment. I know his Dad had an, umm, "talk" with him. But I do not know what this man is winkin' and talkin' 'bout. So he tells me all about how him and Babyboy had this "talk" about the situation at home...you know about the problems he's having at home. Situation? Problems? What are you talking about. He says you know with your practice.... He says Babyboy told me 'bout you closing your practice and all. I’m looking at the science teacher like “What that got to do with Babyboy?” and he lookin’ back at me like...(long pause)...”Well, I don’t know mam” all confused and discombobulated like. My ears are ringing now, 'cause my presha done gone up. I can't hear this man talking anymore and the room is spinning. Babyboy got me out here bad. I am having a video in my head of me attacking Babyboy. The video is called something like "When Mommies attack"!

I wanted to tell that dummy, “well, Sir, it wasn’t any problems at home ‘fo you told me what this knucklehead done said, but there definitely is gone be some problems at home now….”

So later, in the hall when I'm walking him to class, I'm like what did you tell this man? And he says some dumb stuff like he asked me what was going on at home so I told him that. I'm like what that got to do with you and your grades? He just looks at me..."I didn't tell him that it had anything to do with my grades...(he's about to cry, cause he can see that glazed look in my eye)! I go, "Then what was the point of telling him that?" He just basically looks at me and says nothing that makes any sense...I walk away before I crush him.

So now I got a psp, a playstation, a bunch of video games and a cool new phone…’cause Babyboy is on lockdown...

***Girlfriendtionary...For those of you who don't know, now you know...
Jedi Mind Trick (per Wikipedia) In the fictional Star Wars universe, the Jedi mind trick is a Force power. Jedi who know the power can, by using the Force, influence the actions of other "weak-minded" sentient beings.

Jedi typically perform this ability with a wave of the hand and a verbal suggestion (for example, "These aren't the droids you're looking for"). If the trick is successful, the victim will reply by restating the suggestion ("These aren't the droids we're looking for") and will immediately think or do whatever the Jedi suggested.